You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
