remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize