so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
