u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
