Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
