saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize