i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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