I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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