You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
