I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
