good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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