Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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