So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
