I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
