I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
