Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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