I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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