so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
