Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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