ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
