not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How naked do you want me to be?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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