and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
