its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
