Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
