At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
