I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
