I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Semen is not good for contacts.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
