My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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