so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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