Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I wear drunk well.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
