At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
