I haven't been this sober since birth.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
