so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
