My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
