I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
