my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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