That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
