Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
