can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize