he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
