I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
