My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
