How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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