Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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