I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
