It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
