Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
