What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
