if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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