She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
