There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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