Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
