I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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