Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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