Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
