well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
