Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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