Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
