My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
