This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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