thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
