i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
