how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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