i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
