do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He shit in the fireplace
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
