Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize