You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
