he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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