that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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