So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Terrible idea I love it
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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