I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
