i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
