billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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