Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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