So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
