i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think i got beer on your cat.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize