i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
