I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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