Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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