You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Randomize
