Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
