No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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