Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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