he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize