omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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