I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
