I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
either way he was missing a nipple.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
