Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
