she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize