Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
nutella sex= disaster
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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