Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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