Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
