I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize