So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
