I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
